kay this post aint worth your time. dont bother reading. i just dont know what to say. my blog is my diary now. since i write my feelings better than expressing out verbally. so really. if you dont have time for this, dont waste arh kay. firstly. on tt fateful tuesday. my instincts wasnt right. i was scared the whole day. gah. but fr tt short period of time, i was happy. though fear is just grabbing me. consuming me. i knew, smthing was coming. yeah and it did. i opened the bloody letterbox and i saw my bill. gahh. i knew disaster. kay i was scared but i ended up opening it. damnit. it's almost 200+. gahh. idk wht to do tt time. wanted to just run away heck my parents come find me or wht. just so disappointed in myself kay. and yeah if i ran away, damn so coward ar. so i just went home. they saw my bloody bill. gahh. yeah serious spelling. damn why so hard for me to just discipline myself. im so screwed can. then i knew. why the shit i nv think of how pressured my mum is. bcz im not her yeah i knw but gahh. idknw. im so bloody disappointed in myself. i didnt want to look into the mirror. didnt want to smile. i wanted to run run run yeah stupid coward right. i just prayed, i wanted to be the best of me really but gahh how. it's gah. i'm just stuck kay. i'm like some troubled kid dknw wht her feelings are wht her responsibilities. tell me, idk wht i feel. i'm stuck dnt knw where to go. dknw just dknw. yeah stupid me dknw anything. gahh, idk whether i am strong enough. and i miss you so much. so much idk wht else to do. i'm trapped in my own feelings. gahh. why am i so soft. i'm just scared. now i knw, i invited troube and i'm scared to face them. but i knw. some way some how i'll get over it. ahh. i wna change, so long time ago. i just dknw how. gah. wts am i talking. idk a bldy thing. btw, im using pp8. only chin wee knws the number. sorry guys. gah and now my hotmail account hacked. this sucks shit kay. my bestfs online i lost their contacts. ah damnit i just dknw. scared disappointed. wht else la sey. i never want to lose it. but gah. im eating myself up.

Mungkinkah, bila ku bertanya, Maybe, when I ask
pada bintang-bintang, to the stars above
Sarankan, aku yang berjalan, Say, I'm walking,
dalam kehampaan, in disappointment
Terdiam, terpanah, terbata, Silenced, arrowed, stoned
Semua dalam keraguan. everything in doubts

-Mimpi yang Sempurna, Peterpan

And idontknowwhattheshitiswrong.