Baby, I'm confused.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 Y 9:14 PM

Aisyah was so meaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
She called me last night.
And she said, I got Nick in my class.
And she said, I can walk to malay class with Nick.
That was so meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
HAHAHHAHAH. Yeah, obviously I'm jealous.
LOLOLOLOL.

Rawr. If I told Nick I'm jealous, he's gona say dont need to be jealous de owh.
WTWF. Yeah. He always say tt.
RAWRRRRRRRRRRR. Nvm. He's gna be happy cause .. HAHAHHA.
-winkwink-

Kay shutup. Internal joke. LALALALA.

Ohh, I feel so incompleteeeeeee.

Going watch movie later. Bibik bringing meeeeeeee.
YAYYYY. Yishun. She's paying IDC.

Missssssssssssssssssssssing youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
You know who youuuuu areeeeeeee.
I'm so so so sorrry. :E

Sunday, December 28, 2008 Y 11:57 PM

HAPPY 14 BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Yeah, this post is kinda late. I'm fourteen. Yeah.
And I dont know how long I would live. YESAA. May all my wishes come true.
I dont want to talk about my bday. Rawr. But it was okay.

25 of December yeah Christmas. Just sucks. Went to hospital and cried.
Yeah the whole day was just emo and cry. Yeah, I knew I lost Huiyin when I saw her in ICU.
It was a completely different person. I knew there was no hope though I tried to convince myself, to believe in miracles. But when my mum told me, she'll suffer if she woke up cause there's alr two operation done with her and her left brain is alr affected badly. So yeah, I knew my mum knew there was really no hope.

Camwhoring right after waking up is kinda cool. Went to Malacca on the 26. Feeling shittish.
Really, duhh. It was like a struggle within myself. The fact that I have to accept the fact I lost a friend. And I was missing someone like shitts. It was super painful. I've got no idea how I'm still alive. Really. I felt so restless empty and bla.

I really lost Huiyin on the 27. Yeap, I had to let her go. I never want to see her suffer.
And on the 27, I came home. Really good to txt.

Oh went to my gparents' house (my dad's) for some function yesterday.
Damn super super funny.
I was laughing like hell.

And I was laughing like hell this morning too.
OHHHHHHHH. So happy. Damn happy. Broke my record.

Yeah, my dad went to Malacca again today for work. Yeah lol.
He's coming back today also. =.= Joke siaa.
I think it's really a waste of petrol. Not like his company gna pay him or what.

Cant wait for this Friday. Apparently, I'm in 301.
With Shahid Christine Ethel Emman. Where's Nickkkk?
Rawr. Haiz haiz. Aisyah got KATT and CHERYL.
Tht's wth. Yeah.

Kay bye. I got probs with my stomach ar. Wth wth.

Monday, December 22, 2008 Y 2:22 AM

Oh. This sucks. I'm at home alone. Rawr.
Kay not that sucks. I mean I'm the sucky one.
I think I lost my phone. Ha. As in my Ericsson phone.
Shitttt. All my photos. About 2390585232432528752 photos. I got no idea where are they.
RAWRRRRRRRR. And all the memories. That sucks.
Thanks Yan for being such a messy girl.

And LOLLL. Fi thinks Yan is some hot guy. Rawr.
Kay I got no idea why but LOLOLOLOL. Sheesh.
He's bloody caring. Somewhat gave away his number to me.
Which was a shock. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Fi fi. LOLOLOLOL. Where is sheeeeee. I need a good laugh.
And where's Nick ar lol. I really need a good laugh de owh.

Uhmmm. I hate staying at home rawr.
But I feel guilty if I leave my house. Ha. Dont ask why.
It's like tt all the time.

LALALA. Tmr going swimming. Maybe at Jurong.
Cause Wild Wild Wet is ex and my dad's pay just got cut by 800$ can you believe that.
800$ short every month starting Jan.
And we're quite struggling with the pay already now.
Shittt. Yeah, shitt. I havent been working out I know.
Nvm. HECK. I still look good. HAHAHA.

It's a pity I cant have Gen on my birthday.
But yeah, I have the original rangerssssssss.
I wonder. I wonder. Shld I wear reddd. xD
Yeah, I'm surfing for showtimes. Ohhh, Aisyah told me to go find.
Yeahahhahaha. And we shall have icecreams on my bday. =.=
It's her idea. I wanted a decent cake.
And apparently, she's letting me win whatever convos we have.
FISHHH. Aisyah you're such a cheater. AHHAAH.

OKAAAAAAAAAY. I'm tired. It's almost seven.
I'm supposed to bathe by now. Rawr. No one's at home.
Though I dont really feel alone cause I'm quite used to it. Hehe.

By the waaaaaaaaay, get well soon people. I know quite a number are sick. :S
Think of happy thoughts and it will draw a smile to your face.
And that smile is the curve that will set everything straight. :)
Tcare peeps.

Saturday, December 20, 2008 Y 10:47 PM

~~I'M DEAD.~~

~~MY FUNERAL TOOK PLACE HOURS AGO.~~

Suddenly some prince charming kissed and woke me up. Kay busap. Continue blogging.

First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMAN. I dont have his photo. No, I do. Only in my old phone. Rawr. Lazy to do it so forget it. Nyahahhahaha. Next. Before I forget, HAPPY BDAY TO CHERYLLJY.

Cause again, I'm so lazy to take the photo. Next time. HAHAHAHHA.

HAPPY BDAYY TO BOTH OF YOUUUUUUUUUU.

My prepaid's low so heck.

And I saw a beautiful wedding yesterday. DAMNIT. Rawr. It's so grand. I envied the girl who sang. She sound like Rihanna bloody hell. I'm no kidding man. She sang Umbrella Acoustic.

Now, no one's at home. Except for me and sis. She step step go watch football. I dont get her. I play but dont watch. Kay, I take back. I dont get myself actually.

I'm hungry. Rawr.

And my msn contacts are screwed. Only six people. I lost the rest. HAHAHHA.

Lucky six huh. Fi, Khai, Katt, Fir, Shahid and Poh.

Tt sucks man.

Anw, before I forget.

Mon -- home.

Tues -- swimming.

Wed -- outing.

Thurs -- my mum booked the family last min.

Fri -- MIA

Sat -- MIA

Sun -- some function.

Aw. When the hell are we getting our class? RAWR. oooo. Maybe they're setting us up. No emails now, and suddenly poof! we continue to be in our class. Clapsclaps. Nice story. That's never gna happen. Grr.

I babble alot alr. CHAOOOOOOS.

No I end with this list. Random order.

I miss Afifah

I miss Aisyah

I miss Khairul

I miss Katt

I miss Cherylljy

I miss Nar

I miss Joelle

I miss Cheryllit

I miss Firdauz

I miss Christine

I miss Gen

I miss Yu Jia

I miss Hilda

I miss NICK

I miss Poh

I miss Emman

I miss Charlene

I miss Angela

I miss Rafhanah

I miss Shari

I miss Edwin

I miss Yan

I miss Cik Asrul

I miss Bibik Yaya

I miss my kampung

I miss Chin Wee

I miss Asmidah

I miss Eliza

I miss Shahid

I miss Zikri

I miss dance

I miss you sayang.

Sorry if you're not in the list. Unless, you know I hate you, I miss you.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 Y 11:48 PM

OH hello. I'm happy la siolz. Haha! x)

Friendster and new email is heartpain have to restart bloody everything.

RAWR. I hate when Msn suck. Hah.

Thanks AISSSSSSSYAH. Or rather that makcik who called me kerepot. =.=

I'm bloody young, she's the makcik. Ashsy LOL.

Went out and of course I'm always late.

Yeah I cant stand waiting for people but I want people to wait for me.

HEHEHE. I know she hates tt habit of mine.

Went to uhm, Marinaaaaaaa Square got her McFlurry and we set out to get blisters on our feet.

HAHA. Rmber we tried jumpshots outside Marinaaaaaaaa Square and we ended up laughing like shit cause we not synchronised and her camera timer made us confused. I was laughing like hell.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Then we went around taking more pictures and I talked like shit till I got thirsty and kept blaming her she made me have blisters of course! and we saw this bull and we became shit and we saw this fountain with no water and the N in the Fullerton didnt have a leg and we pitied a girl who has a boyf who might not be able to swim if she fell into the water and we posed and walk and smile and laugh and then we got tired we took the train to Vivo. So much for Twilight, timing wasnt tt good. So we went to play with water up there and people were staring siaaa. Oh and we thought we saw Iy An. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL. Kay then we had late lunch then she want to go home and so we went.

And I wenttt Clementttiiiiiiii. Damn I forgot whatever shitx that happened I was so happy again.

Then went CWP ohmyshit I'm so pampered I realised.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR A FAMILY I HAVE.

I cant be more grateful really. My sister bought me a book. Yeah freaking nice.

Wanted PS I love you but this book same author so I just took it.

Thanks For the Memories, I started reading damn good.

And my dad bought me a Fossil watch that cost him about 150$ fr my bday.

COOL OR WHAT. He rarely buy stuff for us, except for the weekly trip to market.

Went to my gparents' cause I miss them so much and the night before I got the urge to see Izzul and kiss his chubby cheeks hehehe. Lol then yeah, of course laugh like shit! HAHAHHAH.

Then went home spent the time reading, I'm in No Mood For Love, hahahhaha.

Damn hot sweeet man. I was smiling all the waaaay.

Ahhhhhhh, yesterday night was simply so nice, so crazy.

Havent burnt really so much for someone or anyone.

Lalala, didnt sleep till about 4.

WTH. Really, and my eyes were wide awake at tt time too.

Hahahahahaha. And I kept telling myself I was tireeed.

But gahhhh, cant help it. I dont really know what you call it.

Hmmmm, well well. Just now, my mum told me a story.

Found it interesting really. I rmbed when my mum was pregnant with my bro, something happened ar. Like ''intruders'' tried to destroy our ways and all. And they started sending things damnit it's alwz like tt for all of my siblings and including me. Something alwz happens when my mum was pregnant with us. But in the case of my bro, she said it was some intruders who had a different perspective of religion and thus, she tried fighting back. She rmbed praying, if whatever she was fighting for was for truth, she wants it to be passed down to her generation which means us and especially my bro in the pregnancy. So when my bro was born, he was born with this stroke on his forehead. She told me "Alif''. I asked, what it exactly stands for. She told me, Alif means the Only One ( yang Maha Esa) and yeah. That's why my bro's kinda gifted. Cool huh. I love my family.

Rawr, school's nearing and my bday too. In one week I'm turning 14.

FOURTEEEEEEEEEEEN. Great. Twilight Edward's kinda hot what, I dont get why you people dont find him hot. =.= Nvm. Rock on. Chao.

Sunday, December 14, 2008 Y 5:21 AM

That was yesterday. I got my rainbow shoes.
And it's a big big joke with Miko-song and all.
HAHAHHAHA. My mum ar lol. And the centre is just random picture.

That was Friday went out to library/CWP.

Lol borrowed books and yeah, Sweet love damn sweet I mean it's damn good ar.

''Stressed is desserts spelled backwards''

Think about it, it makes much much sense if only everyone takes it tt way, the world would be a much better place. And the centre is Izzul with his muncung face. HAHHAHAH. And tt's me and sis at the end.

And today was. Bad. I hate mood swings and menses and stomach cramps.

Yeah, if you know me long and real close, I get mad at everyone in my way with no specific reason. Basically, I just explode at every single thing. Thankssssss uu fr making me calm down a lil. =)

Bah, tmr not going out. Maybe Tues. Gahhh, I'm stressed.

Kay, yan, rmb desserts.

Rock on. \m/

Thursday, December 11, 2008 Y 3:54 AM

Oh heeeeeelllo. Today was fun.
=))))) Haha, you know I know. :E

And yeah gtg. My mum's pissed.
My bibik is hereeeeeeeeee.
Yay.

Help pray soccer trainings wont be cancelled thx.
And to Gen, somehow I miss lemon barley with you.
No, I miss lemon barley more than you actly. =P

And gah, I've been super super patient with my bro.
Pissed me shitx embarrassed me also.
But whoaa, I didnt even lay a hand. Impressive.
Even my sis was like, WTS is wrong with you.
My bro's really annoying, really.

Kay Bye Bye I brambus damn nice ar kay.

Rawr, addicted to Miss Independent by Ne-Yo. xD

Monday, December 8, 2008 Y 11:03 PM

Yay I'm alive again ?

Oh yeah. Feeling shittt cause msn cant work anymore.
Heck man. I can survive. And obviously I'm lying.

SATURRRRRRRRRRday.

I felt like a kid on sat really. Had lots of fun.
Though I was feeling damn plastic.
But again, heck. I played with toys and forever will.
Someone, date me and bring me Toysareeeeeeus.
Really, I want go big big one and it's confirmed, you're gna see me smile and laugh so hard.

Haha, I rmbed we were at Adam Road and waiting fr some parking.
Suddenly I realised, damn, I dnt know what the shit I wna eat.
And I dnt feel like eating.
I guess, like never before, I just blurted out.
''I wna eat Roti Prata.''
I really go no appettite. And I dnt want to eat at Adam Road.
Idk, if I dont like something, there's really no point forcing me to.
Cause, I'm not gna regret, whoever who forced me will suffer, it's bloody true.
And I managed to get the family to Jalan Kayu.
HAHAHHA. Evil plan. Waste petrol siaaaaaa.

SUNNNNNNNNNNNNday.

Raya eve de owh. Stoned the whole day ar at home.
After prayers, haha, damn long havent pray as a family ar really.
I miss those times, I rmbed I cried because I didnt get to pray with my dad and sis.
Because my nose was bleeding. That was so long ago.
Haha, lucky my mum was there comfort me.

Oh yeah, after prayers, went to my gparents' house.
=))) Haha, I finally met Bibik Yaya.
I knew something was wrong with her ar she was drawing at tht point of time.
Her eyes tell a story. Chey like real ahem!
Haha, Bibik Nana told me ar tt she (Bibik Yaya) cant give me advice anymore.
Cause her life is kinda screwed. So yeah. I know the story actly.
The rest of the family dnt ar so it's like gahh, they are all pissed at her.
They dont even know the freaking story kay.

Ahhh, I miss Cik Asrul like shit I just wish he really become my uncle.
I'm not siding anyone but really, Cik Asrul knows tt she gah bla bla.
She like somebody whom she's not supposed to cause it's ruining someone else life.
And Cik Asrul knows and he's freaking patient to put up with her and he wont give up on her.
And guess wht, even when another girl wants to get to know him, he ask fr her permission.
Damnit. My aunt really blind but gahh, you cant force a feeling.
I feel like screaming to her, solat istihara arrr wts you two got the time and gahh.
Gahh, why am I shitty over someone else love story??
My own life I'm confused.

Kay shutup, after tht went home and watched 9September and slept.

MONNNNNNNNNNNNNday.

Woke up damn early actly and tossed around the bed.
My eyes closed but I cant sleep. I was still alive ar can hear evrth around me.
-When you sleep, you cant hear a bloody thing-
Until my dad walked into my room woke me up.
About 0615. Then bathed bla bla.
Then went out. Went Ahmad Ibrahim Mosque.
Somehow, I feel tt I went there before.
Ahhh, saw familiar faces but heck ar lol.
Blackout about 3 times.

I shall reflect about Monday later.

My mum damn joke ar.
Mum; I feel like eating blackforest cake.
Me; HUH. You dont like what. Are you serious.
Mum; Yeah, let's go Prima Deli.
And we did and we got blackforest cake. Wth, really.
I know she hates tt blueberry in the centre.

Anw, gah I think I know how she feels when und pressure or smthg.
Tht chest pain really wth. Cause I kinda have it almost every night.

TUESSSSSSSSSSSday.

Well went to soccer training. Of course it's a must.
I ate a lot time to burn it all!
Haha, lame. Kay, WTH 205.
They all never invite me go watchhhh movie I'm so hurt.
Haha, anw heck ar kinda grounded so Idc tt much.
I dnt know how to survive without 205 next yearrrrrr.
I rmb saying I come to school because of people and nthg else.
Now, I dnt know why I'm going to school. HAHAHA.
It's good to seeee Cheryl and Emmama and Sharmainee and Yu Jiaaaaa and Zik LOL.
Zik still owes me 6 blogposts ? I knew he cant do it even fr my bday. =(

Well well, after training was funnnn.
xD sweeeeeeet talk and laughter and bully.
Haha, if tt were to happen everyday damn I will so freaking happy.
And you will see me smile so hard till my cheeks burn.
And you will see me laugh so loud till you get deaf.
And you will see my eyes so bright till you get blind.
And you will see me happy so colourful till you get high.

Haha, guess you guys found this. Hari Raya Haji taught me something. As I listened to the takbir, I cried. As I listened to the imam praying, damn I thought it was beautiful. As I listened to what the imam has to say, damn I learnt something. Sacrifices. I lived fr almost 14 years now. And Idk what's sacrifice and I never learnt to appreciate them. My mum always say, there's four aspects I need to work on, perjalanan (journey), zahir (physically), hati(mentally) and antara dua alam(between both worlds/life). Well I never knew what she meant. Doing deeds in this four factors, yeah. But how, she say some people dnt have all four. So it's up to me now. And I realise, all this change need sacrifices. Perjalanan means what choices you make in life what you hold on to and face everyday. Zahir means whatever that is wajib tt I need to do which is like solat and blaaaa, that needs our physical stuff and such. Hati means whether you're sincere in whatever you do. Antara dua alam kinda means life and afterlife. Gahh, sacrifices aint easy. I wonder, how my dad did it, how my mum did it. How am I gna make it through and find that little speck of something. I guess it's true, it's iman they're talking about. Once you have iman, you shall stay young and live your life meaningfully.

kay chiao bye. tcare. \m/

Thursday, December 4, 2008 Y 5:28 AM

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

*clapclap*

If you're happy and you know it, stamp your feet!

*stampstamp*

If you're happy and you know it, shake your butt!

*shakeshake*

If you're happy and you know it, say Busap!

BUSAAAAAAP.

You know what, I'm tired really. I want to start afresh.
But gahh, I think my comp kena bah Idk.
Thanks Aisyah. She say I'm a happy and colourful and loyal and can cheer up close friends very well. Ahh, how can I ever thank her. She helped me reduce my vulgarities once. Now, I need her to change myselfffff.

And, I miss him. Really. It's so tempting to txt. But gahh.
And I hate how much I love you, boy.
I cant stand how much I need you.
I really dont know. Why am I only 13.

GAAAAAAAAH. Something's wrong with my lappie and I knew it.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008 Y 4:56 AM

kay this post aint worth your time. dont bother reading. i just dont know what to say. my blog is my diary now. since i write my feelings better than expressing out verbally. so really. if you dont have time for this, dont waste arh kay. firstly. on tt fateful tuesday. my instincts wasnt right. i was scared the whole day. gah. but fr tt short period of time, i was happy. though fear is just grabbing me. consuming me. i knew, smthing was coming. yeah and it did. i opened the bloody letterbox and i saw my bill. gahh. i knew disaster. kay i was scared but i ended up opening it. damnit. it's almost 200+. gahh. idk wht to do tt time. wanted to just run away heck my parents come find me or wht. just so disappointed in myself kay. and yeah if i ran away, damn so coward ar. so i just went home. they saw my bloody bill. gahh. yeah serious spelling. damn why so hard for me to just discipline myself. im so screwed can. then i knew. why the shit i nv think of how pressured my mum is. bcz im not her yeah i knw but gahh. idknw. im so bloody disappointed in myself. i didnt want to look into the mirror. didnt want to smile. i wanted to run run run yeah stupid coward right. i just prayed, i wanted to be the best of me really but gahh how. it's gah. i'm just stuck kay. i'm like some troubled kid dknw wht her feelings are wht her responsibilities. tell me, idk wht i feel. i'm stuck dnt knw where to go. dknw just dknw. yeah stupid me dknw anything. gahh, idk whether i am strong enough. and i miss you so much. so much idk wht else to do. i'm trapped in my own feelings. gahh. why am i so soft. i'm just scared. now i knw, i invited troube and i'm scared to face them. but i knw. some way some how i'll get over it. ahh. i wna change, so long time ago. i just dknw how. gah. wts am i talking. idk a bldy thing. btw, im using pp8. only chin wee knws the number. sorry guys. gah and now my hotmail account hacked. this sucks shit kay. my bestfs online i lost their contacts. ah damnit i just dknw. scared disappointed. wht else la sey. i never want to lose it. but gah. im eating myself up.

Mungkinkah, bila ku bertanya, Maybe, when I ask
pada bintang-bintang, to the stars above
Sarankan, aku yang berjalan, Say, I'm walking,
dalam kehampaan, in disappointment
Terdiam, terpanah, terbata, Silenced, arrowed, stoned
Semua dalam keraguan. everything in doubts

-Mimpi yang Sempurna, Peterpan

And idontknowwhattheshitiswrong.

Monday, December 1, 2008 Y 1:56 AM

HAHAHA. Heck I look super uglyyyyyyyyy.
I was actually super sad at tht time and I was supposed to smile fr this pic.
=.= HAHHAHAH. Kay, before I forgettttttttt, I shall post this arh.
Tmr is hissssssss bdaaaaaaaaay. And sry he looks really ugly in here.
WAHAHHAHA. He's ohhhhhhotter actly but tt stupid haircut in here yeah.

"Awrrr"
"Perasan!"
"Bulan dan bintang bergantung di langit."
"Yannu..."
"YANNI I HATE YOU FOR DROPPING MY BLOODY FOOD"
"I love you dude"
"Hugs and kisses"
"I wish I could hug you right now for bringing up my faith"
"Fantasssssy flingsssss"
"Oh I knw you're jealous. You don't need too."
"Our secret"
"Shhhh"
''Peace. ^.^v"
"I'm not your best guyfriend? T.T"
"To tell you the truth, I cant flirt"
"I'm your friend, wont leave you"
"Cool siaaaaaaaaaaaaa" XD
"Asking a comb from me is like asking a pad from Zhi Yang."
"I think skinnies are gay"
"Haram owhh!"

Oh and damn lots memories though only nearly a year knwing this boy.
Hahaha and stupid jokes. Still rmb the first malay lesson this year.
Omy omy super super funny. Oh and yes when we chionged project.
OHHH AWESOME MAN. And phone calls and funny txts.
HAHHA. Lepak lepak is all he knw.
And damn he's older than mee nowwwww.

HAPPY SWEEEEEET SIXTEEEEEEEEEN NICK.

Such a user. HAHAHAHHAHA. XP
Wish him a great life and take care of Debbie and spend more money and improve your malay and go get your own kamus dont ask for mine and be a good boy and dont emo emo in class you knw you're funny and stay cute and hot and sweet and funny and quiet and you're the first guy who went out with me so you're pro and may you get whatever you wish for what fantasy flings and straight As fot Maths next year and be in the same class with meeeeeeee and 205ianssssss and stay decent. HAHHAHAH.